I've been in a bit of a spiritual bind this past week. I have lived two different lives,so to speak, from going to school like everyone else, working like everyone else, getting an education, like everyone else and so on.

On the other hand I have travelled to other worlds, walked in places only left for nightmares and experienced more miracles,luck and quick saves than I ever care to admit. I've had so much support from the universe I think if I ever turned sour I'd have an infinite line of beings from the smallest of leaves to the highest of angels coming to beat me up.

Thats how I have lived, one foot in each world never fully giving to one even though I yearned for it and never fully leaving the other, because of the sake of easily navigating the false world.

I have been more in my other world, the world I truly cherish, where mother Earth is alive and well and I am a fragment of all that is seeing the all that I am.

I remember in a carlos castenada book don juan said that if a person does not follow a path with their entire being, that path will set out to kill him and that is why one must always follow a path of heart.

The spiritual path I have embarked on is a path of heart and with heart for many years have gone into its cultivation, I trust it as I would my own mother and it will not try to kill me because I have given it all I have and shall continue to with a happy heart.

However, I feel a rift between my other life and it grows farther apart.

A strong event that could change my entire spiritual life path from here on has brought itself in my path...it is a very important thing and though I have fears, my desire is much stronger. Ever since I made the resolve to take part in this transformation my illusory life has come up with stumbling blocks that are adamant and have tried to keep me from going through with this opportunity at all costs.

I have lost my love for the path of the world and my feet can no longer tread safely in the illusions of our typical human joint conciousness. I love freedom more than acceptance and the unknown more than the routine. I have tried to bridge the two paths but as far as myself I cannot do so.

This troubles me greatly since it takes its toll in the form of an anxiety to continue living as I do now, and in the form of a sensitive stomach (I've only been able to eat fruit and drink water until today) and difficulty sleeping.

As of now,though the stumbling blocks are coming loose I now have a weariness for the world around me, not from my sleeping human brethren...but from the path that 'I' myself have taken...and its that weariness with the illusory world that has caused a great tumult within me and around me by that world itself.

I have been able to get myself under control in the mean time with the help of...you guessed it, the universe and company (thank you!) but I would like to hear anything at all from you my fellow friends and comrades if you have any experiences, ideas or advice to give regarding the transition I am going through and perhaps any insights you have that could make this easier for me, its something I have to go through, since I cannot follow two paths with heart but nevertheless it is better to have more heads than one and a an entire community or two (haha) to go through it with.

To give you some advice. Since you walk foot on this earth, you have to follow the way of living here and balance it with your spiritual being from your origin. It is a hard job, but I know from experience, when they start to balance, they also start to interact. I meet people in my daily lives who have the same interests as me, and it appears that the division between the world starts to disappear.

So be more open to your daily live about yourself and see how your own world changes!

Hope this can help you a bit.